So, you think you’ve met The One? He replies to your texts, never flakes, looks into your eyes and makes you feel like a queen. Oh girl, hold your feelings! Don’t fall into the love trap just yet, first we need to make sure he is as honest, kind, and decent as he says he is.
While being an ex-con is not necessarily a red flag for a serious relationship, you have all the right to know about it. If his past is coated with a thick black layer of constant “I don’t know”s and “Why are you asking?”s, we’ve got a problem.
That’s why sometimes it’s helpful to just stop the emotional train, take a deep breath, and find out if the man you’re about to fall for is the man you think he is. Find a pen and paper, and read these 5 signs that you are dating an ex-con.
Sign #1: You have previously caught him on a lie.
Liars are gonna lie, lie, lie! No one likes a liar, especially one that got caught on a dirty little lie. And I am not even talking about the small lies, think really serious deceptions that conceal an entire facet of his character. Those lies! If he is not 100% honest with you, you’d better do a quick investigation of your own. Make sure you are not being mislead, and if his record is clean, you still need to have the talk about honesty.
For now, his past record on lies tells you to keep your eyes wide open for signs that he may have a criminal past.
Sign #2: He doesn’t answer all your questions about his past…
… and does not explain why. We all know those guys that have had short-term amnesia during certain periods of their lives. Can’t remember, can’t prove anything, don’t know!
Well, it’s not good enough for us! Before you commit to this guy, you need to be certain that you are ok with his past. You may still choose to be with him, but you have to make an informed decision.
Sign #3: He has excellent knowledge of all things criminal.
No one googles “money laundering schemes that work” in their leisure time, so if your boyfriend showcases exceptional knowledge in criminal studies, maybe he has the experience too.
If he is not a lawyer, a police officer, or has a BA in criminal justice, he is getting his information through other channels - his friends, family, or himself.
And remember, it may have been an innocent trick that ended badly, so hear out the whole story before making any final decisions.
Sign #4: It’s too good to be true.
Reality is never perfect and if your man is so perfect you can’t find a flaw, maybe he is not real.
Most of the time, perfect relationships are either fake or fabricated. And even if your love story is real, it simply wouldn’t hurt to double check. After all, you probably have a few doubts if you are reading this now.
Start by meeting his friends or family and spend some time with them. This will give you an idea about his background and you can ask questions to them too!
Sign #5: He can’t get a good job.
Does he make excuses that he is being treated unfairly? Does that happen every time he goes for an interview? He was probably born under a very unlucky star, or he is covering up the real reasons why he can’t get a decent job.
Ex-cons usually have a hard time getting jobs, and it may seem unfair that his interviewer knows more about your bae’s records than you do. There is a way to fix that.
How to find criminal and public records online
Thanks to your personal laptop and the free wifi in the coffeeshop next door, you can take advantage of some of the best background check websites. Some of these websites are paid, others will give you basic information and you can purchase the rest. You can also browse the court cases, if you crave more details.
Apart from this, each state has its own Department of Corrections (DOC) and most of them offer online databases. If you don’t know which states he has lived in, a much quicker option is to head over to a website specializing in arrest and criminal records in all states.
We gave you the strategy and the tools, it’s up to you now to stand up for yourself and find out the truth. Remember that every person is different and many deserve a second chance. But if you have the slightest doubt that you are being deceived, take control of the situation and protect your feelings, as well as your social security number.